Nuts and Volts
by The.Dragon.Singer
Summary: Ed is totally done with escorts. Done. But Colonel Bastard just had to burst is happy bubble and give him and Al a "partner." And a Lt. Colonel at that.


_A painless lesson is one without any meaning. _

_One who does not sacrifice anything cannot achieve anything. _

-Fullmetal Alchemist, Chapter 1

* * *

The train compartment was silent, save for the light breathing of it's sole occupant. Sunlight flickered through the window, highlighting the white hair that lay around the girl's head.

She yawned, lifting the arm thrown over her eyes to peer at the clock on the wall with a half-asleep expression.

"Why would he want _me_ there? Stupid..." She grumbled, closing her eyes, though only the left emerald coloured orb could be seen. Her white bangs were styled to fall over her right eye.

The girl was petite, no older than fifteen. She was dressed in a thigh-length black and silver Xingnese dress with a pair of black shorts beneath it. Slits in the side rose to nearly her hips, and the collar was Mandarin-style. A heart shaped cut in the bosom exposed a decent amount of cleavage. The long sleeves fell past her finger tips, and a silver chain could be seen in the heart shaped cutout.

Her waist length white hair was held away from her face in a high ponytail by a black ribbon with a large skull pin. She was also wearing a pair of four-inch stilettos that seemed almost molded to her feet. The black ribbons attached to the soles wound up around her legs.

The train lurched, and the girl sighed again, sitting up in her worn seat to glance out the window.

"Never thought I'd be here again." She muttered, blinking tiredly at as Central's station slid into view. The girl grumbled, smoothing down her ponytail and dress before grabbing the two large suitcases on the seat across from her.

The train stopped, and the white-haired girl strode from her compartment for the door, the heels of her shoes clacking against the floor.

As she stepped off the train, the girl sighed, looking around. She didn't really expect an escort, but it would have been nice of the bastard to send one for her.

Needless to say, the white-haired girl sighed as she began her walk to Central Headquarters.

"Excuse me, old lady? Do you want a ride?" The girl twitched, and an angry aura surrounded her as she turned.

The poor young man who had offered squeaked.

"I. Am. Not. Old." The girl hissed. "I'm sixteen."

"I'm sorry, miss!" The man apologized, bowing. "The white hair makes you look old! But it's pretty! I like it! Did you dye it that way!?"

"I'd rather not talk about it," The girl's aura vanished, and she gave a sad smile. "I was in an alchemical accident and I lost all the colour in my hair."

"Oh?" The man blinked his brown eyes. "So, you're an alchemist?"

The young woman nodded, shifting her suitcases.

"I'm sorry to offend you, Major!" He apologized again, bowing several times.

"I'm a Lieutenant Colonel, but it's fine. Do you think you could give me a ride to Central HQ?"

"Sure thing! My sister works at the front desk! I was going to bring her lunch. I'm Jay Reynolds." Jay smiled, flicking his styled blond hair from his face.

"Lt. Colonel Catalina-Alice Voltolini. A pleasure to meet you." Jay hurried to open the passenger side door for the young woman, and then heaved her suitcases into the backseat with the bag obviously holding his sister's lunch.

The ride to Central HQ was mostly quiet, and Catalina took in the city as they drove by. They parked on a nearby street, and Catalina thanked Jay as she got out and grabbed her bags.

"Thank you for the ride." She hummed, shielding her face with a hand as she gazed up at the large white building.

"No problem!" Jay grinned as he hurried inside to the front desk. Catalina took her time, admiring the fountain out in the front.

By the time she go to the front desk, Jay was gone and the secretary was eating her lunch with a hand on her pregnant belly.

"I'm looking for Lt Colonel Hughes' office." Catalina gazed down at the woman with her dark green eye.

"I'm sorry." The woman behind the desk smiled. "Civilians around allowed that far into Headquarters. I can patch you through-"

The girl huffed, pulling the a watch from between her breasts and flashing it at the woman. The woman, who by the sign on the desk went by Carrie, stiffened and pointed to the hall at the right.

"Down that hall, to the left, and then down the East Wing. Have a nice day, Major."

"Lt. Colonel, actually." Cat huffed, lifting her suitcases and heading down the hallway.

* * *

"I've been waiting for you." Hughes nearly jumped out of his skin, pressing himself up against the wall until he saw who it was.

"Oh, Ally-cat! It's just you."

"That's it." Catalina narrowed her eyes, crossing her arms from where she was perched on her two suitcases. "I took a three day train ride to get to Central, and that's it! What the hell!? And where the hell is Roy!"

"Roy's in the East still."

Cat growled, tucking her hands into her long sleeves. "Why the hell am I here then!?"

"Let's talk about this in my office." Hughes pushed up his glasses. "And then I can show you pictures of my darling-"

"I don't care about your daughter right now, Hughes. Get to the point."

* * *

"I see." Cat crossed her legs, leaning back in the plush chair she'd been sitting in for the past twenty minutes. "So, Roy called me here because that Scar guy is on the loose, and he wants me to protect the Fullmetal Alchemist."

Hughes nodded seriously as Cat's aura billowed from her in angry waves.

"I am the Second-in-Command of the most deadly unit in this damned military, and he wants me to _babysit _a fucking trouble-making State Alchemist."

Hughes nodded again.

"I'm going to kill him."

Hughes went to nod, and then stopped, shaking his head instead. "I'm going to visit the Elric brothers later. You can come with me."

"Sure, whatever. I have to find somewhere to stay."

"You can stay with me~!"

"No."

Hughes pouted.

* * *

Catalina followed Hughes down the halls of the hospital, eyes half-lidded. She'd only just woken up from the nap she'd had earlier, and if it wasn't obvious, Cat wasn't exactly a morning person.

"Hey, Ed!" Hughes burst into one of the rooms, with his arm raised in the air. "You getting it on with a woman in your hospital room!?"

The short blond teenager on the bed, fell onto his face, twitching. Cat raised an eyebrow.

"She's only my automail mechanic!"

"So, you seduced a mechanic." Hughes rubbed his chin. "Nice job, midget."

Edward Elric flailed on the floor, complaining.

"You'll open your wounds that way." Hughes warned.

"Ah..." The blond finally calmed down. "Winry, this is Lieutenant Colonel Hughes."

"I'm Winry Rockbell." The blond girl offered her hand to the Lt. Colonel.

"I'm Maes Hughes, pleased to meet you."

"Is it alright to sneak off from work?" Ed asked, sitting back on the hospital bed. Cat took to leaning against the wall, completely unnoticed.

"I'm off duty for the afternoon."

"Really! Didn't you say the tribunal's been really busy lately and you couldn't take a day off?"

"No need to worry!" Hughes grinned. "I left the over-time work for Seska to do!"

"You're a monster."

"So, while I was off duty, I came to check up on how you were doing, but I also came to do two other things. I've got some info on Scar. It seems as though you should be released from our watch pretty soon!"

"Really!? I'm finally free of these annoying escorts!" Ed cheered.

"That's mean." The taller blond in uniform pouted.

"What do you think would have happened if we weren't with you!?" The raven-haired women protested.

"Huh?" Winry looked confused. "Escorts! What kind of dangerous business have you gotten yourself into!?"

"Nothing! Don't worry!" Ed's hair stood on end and he flapped his hands, one automail. Catalina glanced down at her left arm, frowning slightly. "It's not a big deal."

Winry planted her hands on her hips and glared, before she sighed in defeat. "...Right. It's one of those things that you brothers wouldn't tell me anyways."

The blond mechanic began packing up her tools and Hughes took this time to speak again.

"Oh, yeah. Colonel Mustang has decided to give you another partner!" He grinned. Ed's face fell.

"Armstrong?" He shuddered.

"No!" Hughes pointed to the girl leaning against the wall. "Lt. Colonel Catalina-Alice Voltolini."

Cat lifted a brow at Ed's disappointed face. "She's not an alchemist is she? And Colonel Bastard is using her as an escort."

"Kind of." Hughes crossed his arms. "Catalina is actually part of a highly train, very deadly unit that not even the Furhur knows about; the Ripper Unit. She's the only alchemist in the group, and she's Second-in-Command. Mustang wants you protected, so yeah, she's basically your escort."

"I'm not a babysitter." Cat muttered, eyes narrowed at Hughes.

"I'm not a baby!" Ed screeched at the white haired girl. "And I don't need an escort!"

"I have better things to be doing." Cat snapped. "Major Elric, you're going to have to put up with me whether you like it or not, because you're stuck with me until Scar is caught and executed."

Ed fumed, pulling at his hair as the young woman strode out the door.

Cat vaguely remembered seeing a suit of armour by one of the telephones, and if her suspicions were correct, that would be Edward Elric's younger brother, Alphonse.

* * *

Sterling Tyler Castro was seated at his desk, munching on a stick of pocky with his feet on his desk when his phone rang.

"Yo. Colonel Castro. Watcha want?"

"_It's me."_

"Hey, Volts."

"_Don't call me that, Ling. Anyway, I'm in Central."_

"You got your assignment?" Sterling asked, grabbing another stick of pocky and running a hand through his messy red hair.

"_Yeah. I'm not gonna be back for a while. I'm babysitting the Elric brothers."_

"Who?"

"_Edward Elric, Fullmetal Alchemist, and his younger brother, Alphonse Elric, who's sitting beside me in a giant suit of armour."_

"_Gah! How did you know!?" _The voice of a young male exclaimed from the other end of the phone line.

"_Secret." _Sterling could tell Cat was smirking. _"Anyway, I have to follow them around until Scar is apprehended."_

"Scar? Who's Scar?"

"_You really don't pay attention to anything you read..." _Cat sighed. _"Scar is a serial killer going after State Alchemists."_

"Horse-face has you playing babysitter then? Have fun with that."

"_Oh, I will. Fullmetal doesn't seem to happy about it though. I'll make sure to phone you every once in a while with an update."_

"Okay. Take care of yourself, Volts. You are a State Alchemist too."

"_Sure thing, Tyler."_


End file.
